Mercury's Big Day Out
by Mother Mercury
Summary: An utterly pointless, rather silly and completely delusion story where Mercury flirts madly with Severus Snape. WARNING!!! FOR SNAPE LOVERS ONLY!!! Enter the kinky fetish items...
1. Default Chapter

Congratulate me… go on, do it because you'll never guess what I did

Congratulate me… go on, do it because you'll never guess what I did. Nope, not that! I got a hold of Severus Snape! I know, it's amazing! Apparently he read the last story I wrote about Harry and was quite amused. Unlike Potter though, he let me print the conversation I had with him, which I recorded instead of writing it. Much less work for me. Not that I mind, because I'd work forever for him. Perhaps you don't know how big of a fan I am of his, but I'm sure you'll figure it out after reading this. I honestly thought I was going to die with excitement when he agreed. We had never met before this, so you can imagine how sick with anticipation I was. I won't blather on anymore, on with this show!

I sit in his office, waiting patiently for the man of the hour to arrive. Every time I hear footsteps outside, I get all excited that it's him. I'm trying to figure out how to use the cursed tape recorder I brought to record our conversation. Eventually, it works, but only after I vow never to trust the damned Muggle technology again. I hear footsteps and the door opens. My heart jumps into my mouth as Severus Snape enters the room.

"Nice to meet you, Mercury." He says

"AH! He said my name, he actually said my name!"

"Er, yeah." He gives me a very strange look.

"Sorry… damn, he's even hotter in life!"

"Pardon me?" An even stranger look.

"Did I say that out loud?" I ask, blushing furiously.

"Uh, yeah, you did."

"Sorry…"

"What was that supposed to mean anyway?"

"What?"

"That I'm even hotter in life."

"Oh yeah… well…"

"Well what? Spit it out, girl."

"You see… I think you're kind of… well… handsome…"

"You do?" A pink tinge is coming to his cheeks.

"Well, yeah." I reply, grinning because his blushing seems to make him even sexier.

"Oh."

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry."

"But, you seem kind of angry."

"Not angry, just surprised. No one's ever told me that before." His cheeks become redder.

"Really? I find that hard to believe."

"Why?"

"You may not realize this, but you're really hot."

"Am not."

"You are! Trust me, I have a lot of experience in this area."

"I don't believe you."

"You don't think I have experience in this area?"

"Oh, I believe that, I just think you're playing some kind of mean joke on me, telling me I'm handsome."

"I'm not joking! Best looking teacher here, I guarantee it."

"Then why do all the girls swoon over Lupin?"

"Yes, I agree, Lupin is a very handsome man too. But, you… well… I think those girls must be on drugs."

"You make me wish I had you as a student."

"I wish I had you as a teacher."

"We probably should get off this topic, you print this and your boyfriend might get jealous." He blushes more and averts his eyes.

"I don't have a boyfriend." I tell him blankly.

"_That_ I really don't believe."

"No, it's true."

"Come off it."

I sigh. "You really ought to try believe at least one thing I tell you."

"I do believe one thing." 

"And what would that be?"

"That you have a lot of experience with good looking men."

"Not exactly a _lot_."

"Now you _are_ lying."

"You flatter me. Stop it."

"So you can flatter me, but I can't flatter you?"

"I wasn't flattering you, I was simply telling you the blatantly obvious truth."

"Bull."

"You're not going to believe me. That's your problem, I suppose, though I wish you did, because you are very handsome. But, I didn't come here so we could talk about this, so why don't we just get onto what you want me to write about." I tell him, feeling very disappointed.

"I'm sorry." He says, staring at his desk.

"For what?" 

"You seem sad."

"You just kind of made me wish I never told you."

"Oh."

"Most men would be happy to hear something like that, but you tell me I'm a liar."

"I'm sorry, it's just that… like I said, no one has ever said anything like that to me before. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." He looks very sad now, making me feel very bad, but increasing my attraction to him because this new look is just so darn sexy.

"It doesn't matter." I reply. "Let's just get on with this."

"All right…" he pauses. "Want to hear something funny? I've forgotten what I wanted you to write now."

"Great."

"Sorry for wasting your time, you can go."

"It wasn't a waste of my time, I've wanted to meet you for ages now."

"You have?" He asks, with wide eyes.

"Oh come on, don't tell me you're surprised after all those things I just told you?"

"I suppose not. But, it might take a few days for me to remember what I wanted you to write about, I've got a terrible memory."

"I'll come back then." I say, putting my bag over my shoulder and beginning to stand up.

"Well, I was thinking… it would be a whole lot easier if you just stayed here for a while…"

Maybe to be continued…

I know, I know. I am a strange and disturbing person. Snape?! Ew, gross, right? Sorry, but I think he's damn sexy. Alan Rickman as Snape, that's just amazing. Go to [http://www.hpgalleries.com/mgallery43.htm][1] to see what I mean. You'll see that this might not be continued. It all depends on how many people review telling me that I'm disgusting for actually finding him remotely attractive. 'Tis all personal opinion, my dears. You see, I also find Lupin, Sirius, Bill Weasley and the twins attractive, but Snape… he's… amazing. Well, I'll stop now, as I'm prolly making a few of you puke. I would be writing my Big Brother series, but a virus attacked my poor 'puter and ate the C drive, along with all my stories and I haven't been able to retrieve my Muse to start writing it again. Bit of a bugger really, since I was almost done part nine. Grrrrrr… No more of my complaining, until next time

Mother Mercury (who, although she finds Snape attractive, realizes that he's about twenty five years older than she is and, well, whatever may happen in the future of the story, she would never really do. And Mr. Rickman? He's got forty years on her!)

   [1]: http://www.hpgalleries.com/mgallery43.htm



	2. this chapter

I'll take a moment to recap what's going on here, in case you've forgotten. I went to meet Severus Snape to write a story for him. After telling him I had a mad crush on him, he forgot what he wanted me to write about and suggested I stay with him until he remembered. And now we shall return to our epic tale.

…

"Well, I was thinking… it would be a whole lot easier if you just stayed here for a while…"

There's a bit of a pause; he looks worried.

"I, erm… well… I guess…" I stammer, in disbelief.

"I understand completely if you don't want to…"

"No… I'll stay, it'll save me some Floo powder to get back here…" I grin.

"That's great." He smiles. "I'll take you to my room."

"What?"

"I don't imagine you want to sleep in the corridor, do you?" He looks worried again.

"No, of course not."

"You can have my bed, I'll kip on the floor."

"Oh no, I'll sleep on the floor, it's ok." I say, feeling my cheeks go red.

"Now what kind of a gentleman would I be if I made a lady sleep on the floor?" He takes my bag and opens the door. "Come on, right this way." He leads me over a couple corridors, into a large, but very cozy room.

"This is nice. Nothing like your office, is it?" I say, looking around at the various paintings and sculptures.

"Heavens no, that place is dreadful and cold. I spend as little time as possible in there." He places my bag on the bed. "You can sleep on here. There's a bathroom through that door on the left, and a small kitchen through the door on the right. If you get hungry, you can help yourself to anything in there." He takes out his wand and conjures up a sleeping bag and pillow for himself. "Wow, it's getting pretty late. I suppose we should turn in. I'll introduce you around tomorrow and show you the rest of the castle."

"You think you'll have remembered by then?"

"Remembered what?" He asks, with a blank look on his face. "Oh, that, right. I certainly hope so, wouldn't want to keep you here for longer than you have to."

"No… um, I didn't bring anything to sleep in…"

"Oh… well… you can borrow one of my robes to sleep in tonight. Hopefully, of course, I will have remember tomorrow… so you won't be needing to stay another night… but, if you do, we can go down to Hogsmead and pick something up." He smiles nervously and tosses me a long, dark blue robe from his wardrobe. "Might be a bit big."

"Perhaps." I grinned at his tense expression and went into the bathroom to change. I brush my teeth the best I can using just toothpaste and my finger, then re-enter the bedroom, practically swimming in the robe and sit down cross-legged on the bed to brush my hair. Severus comes out of the kitchen, holding a glass of water, and wearing a long, gray night robe. 

"Here you go." He hands me the water. "In case you get thirsty during the night."

"Thanks. You know, I can sleep on the floor, it's ok, really. I feel bad for kicking you out of your bed."

"Don't say another word about it. I'm sleeping on the floor, and that's that. Besides, it was my idea for you to stay here anyway." He sits down on his sleeping bag. "Do you need me to get you another blanket or pillow, or something to read?"

"I'm great, thanks." I lay down and pull the covers over me. "I should get my beauty sleep."

"You're already beautiful."

"Stop it. Just go to bed!" I chuck a pillow at his head. He grins, flicks the light off and disappears into the sleeping bag. "You're not going to get in trouble for having me in here, are you?"

"No…"

"You sure?"

"Well, you're of age, aren't you? And besides, I'm just giving you a place to stay for the night."

"Right…"

"'Night, Mercury."

"G'night, professor." I hear a chuckle, and then everything is silent.

I don't fall asleep for a little while, as I feel slightly uncomfortable sleeping in Severus Snape's bed, with him less than three feet away from me. Eventually, my fatigue gets the better of me and I drift off. A little while later, a knocking on the door wakes me up. I crawl to the end of the bed and attempt to wake Severus.

"Hey, wake up! There's someone at the door." I say, shaking him slightly. I feel a bit bad, because he looks so adorable as he sleeps and I don't want to disturb him. He doesn't wake, so I get off the bed and open the door myself.

"Hello." I say to the tall, silver haired man standing in the doorway.

"Hello." He gives me a curious look.

"You must be Professor Dumbledore. Severus is sleeping at the moment, so is there anything I can do to help?"

"Oh, he's sleeping, is he? Pardon my rudeness, but I don't believe I know who you are."

"Oh, sorry. My name's Mercury, I'm here to write a story for Severus." I extend my hand.

"Writing a story for him?" He replies, shaking my hand. "First I've heard of this. If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing here so early in the morning?"

"I slept here last night."

"You did?"

"Oh, yes, but it's not what you're thinking. I came here last night, but Severus forgot what he wanted me to write about and suggested I stay here for the night until he remembered. You know, to save me a trip back."

"He forgot. That's rather unlike him. Well, I mustn't hang around for too long. If you could kindly tell Severus, when he awakens, that there was a staff meeting this morning. It would appear he forgot that too. It was lovely to meet you." He leaves very quickly and I go back into the bedroom. I look over to the floor to see Severus stirring slightly. I sit on the edge of the bed and watch him. Gradually, his eyes open and he looks up at me.

"What the… who are…what are you…?… I remember… don't _do_ that!" He sits up and rubs his eyes.

"Don't do what?"

"Don't watch me sleep."

"Sorry, but you're just so cute when you sleep. Well, cuter than usual."

"Shut up."

"We've been over this before, you're hot, deal with it."

"You're going to have to give me a while to absorb that."

"It's not that hard to understand. You are attractive. It's pretty simple really."

"If it's so simple, why do you get defensive when I say the same thing to you?"

"Because… well… Professor Dumbledore came by and said there was a staff meeting you were supposed to go to." I say, trying to change the subject.

"What? Staff meeting? I completely forgot!" He jumps up and runs into the bathroom. Three minutes later, he runs back into the bedroom, fully dressed and darts out of the room, quickly shouting that he'd be back soon, leaving me sitting on the bed. I remain on the bed for a few minutes, thinking about what to do, whether I should stay there, go have some breakfast or go wandering. After a small amount of deliberation on if he would be angry if I meandered around the castle, I decide to get dress and go for a little walk. I get changed into the outfit I had been wearing the previous day and set off into the corridor. 

The castle appears to be deserted, until I come upon a familiar face near the Quidditch pitch.

"Mercury! What on earth are you doing here?"

"Hello, Harry, it's nice to see you too." I say with much sarcasm.

"Shut up and tell me what you're doing here."

"Why don't you introduce me to your friends first, Harry, you are being rather rude."

"I know who you are," says the red haired boy next to Harry. "You're that weirdo who wrote that story about Harry."

"Congratulations, you are right. And you are?"

"Ron Weasley."

"Lovely to meet you, Ron."

"Whatever."

I turn to the girl on Ron's left side. "And who might you be?"

"Hermione Granger."

"Nice to meet you too." I smile, but she doesn't smile back.

"Mercury!" Harry draws my attention back to him, as he always does. "What are you doing?"

"If you must know, Harry, I'm writing a story for one of your professors."

"You're what? Which one?"

"Guess."

"No, tell me!"

"I told you to guess."

"Which professor would be fool enough to get her to write for them?" Harry pondered.

"Snape!" Ron pipes.

"Congratulations again, Mr. Weasley. I am, indeed, here to write for Severus."

"You're on a first name basis with him? Ew!"

"Grow up, Potter."

"How can you stand to be around him?"

"I happen to find him fascinating and attractive."

"ATTRACTIVE! Are you completely mad?" Harry shouts with laughter.

"Oh, come off it, Potter. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Perhaps your friend Miss Granger agrees with me?"

She shifts a bit, looking at her feet.

"Hermione, you don't, do you?"

"Of course she doesn't, Harry, don't be a prat." Ron says.

"Yes… of course I don't…" Hermione mutters.

"Hermione! You do! That's disgusting!"

"You see, I'm not the only one." I say, grinning at their shocked expressions.

"I mean… I…" Hermione stammers. "I'm not the only one, you know, and it's not like he's absolutely gorgeous or anything… I don't like him _that_ much… not very much at all, really…"

"I'll have to leave you three to discuss it alone. Have a nice day!" I walk away from them, hearing Potter and Weasley shout at Granger about how nasty she was to even think anything like that. I stroll through some more corridors until I hear some rather loud voice coming from one classroom.

"Bad memory, indeed!"

"I've got a terrible memory!" It's Severus' voice.

"Then how do you manage to remember all those grossly complex potions?" It's a female voice.

"I don't know…"

"Minerva, I think we should give Severus a chance to explain himself." It was the voice of Professor Dumbledore.

"Albus, I think it's quite obvious what's going on!"

"Give him a chance. Go on, Severus."

"You see," he begins. "I heard she wrote a story about Potter, one that was quite amusing and I thought she might want to write for me. So, I contacted her…"

"What's this girls name anyway?" The woman snaps again.

"Her name is Mercury. As I was saying, I contacted her and she agreed to come and meet with me. So, last night, she arrived in my office and we started talking. Well… it gets a bit embarrassing here… she told me that… she found me… attractive… I became rather flustered… and must've forgotten what I wanted her to write about… quite understandable, really… so I offered to let her stay in my room for the night, until I remembered, you know, to save her the trip home."

"How old is this girl, Severus?" Asks the woman.

"I don't really know…"

"I don't think she could've been any older than nineteen." Says Dumbledore.

"Does it really matter? Nothing happened! She just slept in my bed, I slept on the floor. The fact that we were in the same room shouldn't mean anything!"

"Can't you see, Albus? He's all caught up in what this young girl said to him that he's not thinking!"

"There's nothing to think about! I just gave her somewhere to sleep!"

"All the same, Severus. She's young, and if it turns out she's not of age, you could get in trouble…"

"She is of age, I assure you!"

"You said you don't know how old she is."

"I know she's of age. She doesn't look younger than 17 and she's very mature."

'So mature that she told you she had a crush on you?"

"Don't tell me you've never had a crush on someone, Minerva, and you're 70!"

"That's beside the point, Severus!"

"Severus and Minerva, please calm down! I think the only way we're going to sort this out is talk to this young woman and get her perspective… and find out how old she it. Severus, could you go fetch her from your room?"

To be continued… 

Oo-er! Wasn't that bad? I know it was quite a different style from the previous part. It's actually turning into a story! Heaven forbid! Well, turns out I'm not the only one with this sick obsession. Many Snape fans out there, and a few Alan Rickman fans too. I challenge anyone to see Truly Madly Deeply and not fall in love with him. Though, I must admit, I'm not a huge fan of that moustache… Anyhoo, I hope you like this one too. It's badly written, I know. It's got a weak plot, I know. It's completely delusional, I know. I'm just fulfilling my own little fantasies. To find out about my dealings with Harry, you'll have to check out some of my other work (don't ask what they're called, I can't remember). They should explain why he's rather angry with me. If you wanted to be _really_ sweet, you could review those ones too…;)

Mother Mercury (who's sorry for the Big Brother delay. She's been very lazy lately)


	3. that chapter

Another brief recap, bear with me. I stayed with Severus last night because he couldn't remember what he wanted me to write about. He is getting in trouble for having me in his room, so I've got to save his ass from getting fired. Only problem is, he thinks I'm in his room, but I'm actually about ten feet away from him, so I've got to get back to where I'm supposed to be before he does.

"Severus and Minerva, please calm down! I think the only way we're going to sort this out is talk to this young woman and get her perspective… and find out how old she it. Severus, could you go fetch her from your room?"

"Very well, headmaster, I shall return in a few minutes. Hopefully Mercury will be able to clear this whole thing up."

Kee-ripes! I thought, I've got to get my ass back down to the dungeons sharpish!

I sprint through the halls, looking back briefly to make sure Severus isn't too close on my tail. I reach his office, slam the door behind me and collapse onto the bed, breathing like a winded elephant. A couple minutes later, Severus strides into the room.

"What's wrong with you?" He asks. "You look like you just ran a marathon."

"I… uh… fell off the bed…"

"Um, ok, I'm not going to ask. You need to come with me and speak to Professor Dumbledore."

"Why?" I ask, hoping to sound inconspicuous.

"Just to clear a few things up."

"Like what?" I ask, bobbing alongside him as we walk through the halls.

"Stuff about you staying here. They want to confirm that you're of age, so I don't get in trouble with the ministry. Stupid really, of course you're of age… Minerva doesn't believe me. She's a teacher here, got a bit of an issue with me…" He shakes his head.

"It's her problem not yours."

"Thank you," he smiles. "Just in here." He opens the door to an office where Professor Dumbledore and a woman I assume is Minerva are sitting.

"This is her, then?" Minerva asks.

"Yes, this is Mercury," Severus replies.

"It's nice to meet you," I extend my hand. "Minerva, is it?"

"Yes," She says stifly, and gives me a handshake that feels more like shaking a wet fish than a hand. "Please, take a seat."

I sit down next to Severus on the sofa. 

"Let's keep this short and sweet, shall we?" Professor Dumbledore says, smiling a bit. "Mercury, just a few questions…"

"How old are you?" Minerva interrupts. "Are you of age or aren't you?"

"Pardon me?" I say, trying to act surprised. "I'm twenty three years old. That would make me of age, would it not?"

"Yes, it would…" Professor Dumbledore replies, but Minerva cuts him off again.

"How do we know you're not lying? Have you got proof?"

"Proof? Of what sort?"

"License, certificate, anything."

"Give me a second." I rummage in my pockets to find my wallet, bring out my Wizarding License and hand it to Minerva. "Is that adequate?"

She looks at it for a moment, then pronounces herself satisfied and sinks into her seat.

"Is it true," asks Dumbledore, "that you told Severus you find him attractive?"

"Yes, I did tell him that," I reply, taking notice that a definite look of disgust crosses Minerva's face.

"Did you come here with romantic intentions in mind?"

"Not at all! I came here to write a story. Yes, I find Severus attractive, but I'm engaged to be married and wouldn't even consider cheating on my fiancé!"

"You're engaged?" Minerva asks with shock, sitting bolt upright.

"As a matter of face, I am." I show her the gold and diamond ring on my finger. 

"Thank you, Mercury, and you too, Severus. You are both welcome to leave. Sorry for disturbing you." Professor Dumbledore stands up and opens the door for us to leave. We walk in silence back to his office, and I notice a distinct look of sadness on his face.

"What's wrong?"

"You didn't tell me that you're engaged."

"I'm not!"

"But, you just said…" His eyes widen.

"I just made that up so we wouldn't get in trouble. They think I'm involved that deeply with someone, they're not going to think anything's going on between us… not that anything _is_ going on between us…"

"You're not engaged…"

"Not at all! I'm free as a bird!" I do a little pirouette and flop down onto the bed. "Sure I'd love a boyfriend, but I'm way too young to be tied down that harshly!"

"You really had me going there!" He sits down next to me and gives a small chuckle.

"Well, would it really matter if I was engaged?"

"I… I guess not… there's nothing going on between us…"

"Of course there isn't…"

"Absolutely nothing…" He turns to face me and I look at him. For a moment, we just stare into each others eyes (and he has beautiful eyes) and then… I feel his lips upon mine…

To be continued…

Sorry, I know it was really short. With the recent tragedies in the US, it's been rather hard for me to find my Muse. I wrote this to cheer myself up, it worked. Me kissing Snape is definitely my idea of fun. To explain the month long delay with the Big Brother story – I had it almost done, my computer crashed. I rewrote it, my brother erased it by accident (or was it?). Now, it's just kind of hard to write anything at all. I'll try to get it up this weekend, along with (perhaps) part four of this (which will be longer than this part was). I'll cheer myself up with a marathon Alan Rickman and Queen video-fest. That always makes me happy…

Mother Mercury (who's considered writing a non-humor fic and wants your suggestions)


	4. up chapter

An extremely short summarization, I'M KISSING SEVERUS SNAPE!

"Absolutely nothing…" He turns to face me and I look at him. For a moment, we just stare into each others eyes (and he has beautiful eyes) and then… I feel his lips upon mine…

OH MY GOODNESS! I scream in my head. I'M KISSING HIM! THIS IS INSANE! I'M THE LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVE!

After a few moments, he pulls away and mutters, "Sorry, I shouldn't have done that… I'm really sorry…" He begins to stand up, but I grab him.

"You aren't going anywhere." I pull him back down and kiss him fiercely, then ask, "What's there to be sorry about?"

He grins, "Sorry I didn't do this before!"

"Me too. You know, I think I might just have to hang around here longer." I lie down flat on the bed and stare at the ceiling.

"Of course, I'm not letting you go anywhere." He lies down beside me and I feel him take my hand into his and our fingers intertwine.

"Oh no? And how are you going to stop me, professor?"

"I don't know, I'll have to kiss you again, or something to that effect."

"Heavens no! Not that again!"

"You had better watch yourself then."

"Oo-er, yes Professor Snape." I squeeze his hand a bit. He turns his head and looks at me.

"Do you want to go down to Hogsmead? We can get some breakfast, and perhaps pick up something for you to sleep in tonight."

"I don't know. I sort of liked sleeping in your robe. It smells like you."

"How lovely," he sticks out his tongue in mock disgust. "Will you at least accompany me to breakfast, then you can decide whether you want to sleep in my odor or not?"

"Twist my arm," I lean over and kiss him again softly. "I would love to have breakfast with you. Will anyone else be there?"

"No, Hogsmead weekend is next week. No irritating Potters or Weasleys to interrupt us."

"Thank God! Last thing I need. What about the other professors, do they go down there in their free time?"

"Not often, we've got nothing to worry about. Come on, let's go." Severus stands up and pulls me to my feet. "We'll go under my Invisibility Cloak so no one sees us as we leave." He opens his wardrobe and brings out a long, fluid cloak, only visible in the creases, with the texture of soft water. He throws it over the two of us and we swiftly exit his office.

We pass a few students and professors in the corridors, but none of them notice us, since we're invisible of course. Just as we reach the Entrance Hall, Potter and his crew are coming out of the Great Hall. We both stop to listen to their conversation.

"I can't believe Mercury's here!" Potter cries. "I thought I'd gotten rid of her!"

"I can't believe anyone could possible find Snape attractive! Especially you, Hermione!" Weasley replies. "I'm thoroughly disgusted."

"Shut up, Ron, it's not my fault."

"Yes, it is!" The two boys say in unison.

"Wouldn't it be gross if they got involved or something?" Potter wondered.

"Hell yeah! Don't even say stuff like that, Harry!" 

"They deserve each other, in a way. They're both foul, him especially, and she's just a bitch…" Before I can do anything, Severus raises his hand and clocks Potter hard over the head. He goes flying forward, landing face first on the carpet.

"Harry!" Granger runs over to him. "What happened, Harry?"

Potter lifts his face, with blood running out his nose. "I don't know… someone hit me over the head… bloody hell, that hurt."

"It was supposed to, you prick," Severus mutters.

"I reckon it was Peeves," Weasley says matter-of-factly, helping Harry to his feet. "Let's go to the hospital wing. I think Madam Pomfrey's missed you." Weasley and Granger drag Potter around the corner and out of sight.

"You shouldn't have done that," I laugh. "You beat me to it!"

"Next time you can have a go. We can pop round the hospital wing to pay him a little visit later." He grasps my hand and we walk out of the large front doors. The air outside is cool and crisp. Severus squeezes my hand tighter.

"How does Harry know you're here?" He asks gently.

"I went for a little walk this morning and bumped into the trio outside the Quidditch pitch," I grin. "Granger's got the hots for you, you know."

"So I heard. That's rather surprising, I thought they all hated me…"

"Potter and Weasley most certainly do, she's just playing along to them. She'd probably die of embarrassment if she found out you knew."

"I'll have to leave her a little note on her next test, won't I?"

"But, make sure you tell her you're taken. I don't want any little know-it-all's fawning over you."

"I'm taken. That's special."

"Yes, it is."

We approach the heavy iron gates, flanked by winged boars that lead out to Hogsmead.

"Once we get closer to the shops, we'll have to take the cloak off," Severus tells me as we exit the school grounds. I nod. "And, it causes me great pain to say this, but we'll have to keep our hands off each other. Rosmerta, the lady who owns Three Broomsticks, knows all the professors. If she sees you and I all over each other, she's bound to tell someone."

I groan, "That stinks."

"I know, I know. Look, we're here now. One more for the road, then we'll strip off."

"How'd you manage to make everything sound so dirty?"

"Just a talent." He leans forward and kisses me, then pulls the cloak off. "It's just around the corner."

We walk down the street and I see a building, with an old sign that reads "Three Broomsticks". I stop dead in my tracks.

"Just one second," I mutter.

"What?" Severus asks.

"This…" I kiss him once more. "Sorry, must satisfy myself."

"It's rather odd," he says, as we walk closer to the pub. "We only met yesterday. We only had our first kiss about an hour ago. Yet, we're attached already."

"Wow… just yesterday? It seems like so much longer…"

"It does…"

"If I heard about two people becoming as cuddly as we are after only knowing each other this long, I'd think they were mad." I pause. "Are we mad?"

"Yes."

"Ok, thanks. Glad to know I'm not alone in this."

"We'll both be loonies together."

"Sounds like a plan." The bell jingles as I push open the door. It's quite full inside, a fair few rather odd looking creatures that I've never seen before. Behind the bar is a curvy beautiful woman.

"Good morning, Severus," she calls. "What can I do you for?" She peers at me. "Who's the little lady? Got yourself quite a looker there, Sev."

"Oh no," I say, trying to hide my grin. "We aren't attached."

"Just friends," Severus adds. "What's the best seat in the house today, Rosmerta?"

"I'd say just over by that window to the left. Here's a couple menus for the two of you, just give me a holler when you're ready." She gives us a small smile and turns to the woman shrouded in black sitting at the bar. We both take our seats and read our menus.

"What'll it be this morning then, madam?" Severus joked.

"Well, sir, the full platter certainly does appeal to the sense, but I doubt whether I can finish it alone. Care to accompany me in this breakfast endeavor?"

"Mademoiselle, whatever would please you would please me. The full platter it is. Rosmerta!"

She comes scurrying over to the table. "What'll it be, ladies?"

"Thank you," Severus replies sarcastically. "We'll have the full platter together, if you will?"

"Sharing it, eh?" She raises a suspicious eyebrow. "It'll be with you in a few minutes." She scoots back off behind the bar.

While waiting for our breakfast, we chat lightly about things that would not cause people to assume anything about us. Five minutes later, Rosmerta returns to our table carrying a huge plate of hashbrowns, pancakes, sausages and fruit salad, along with a large carafe of orange juice. 

"Meeting your satisfaction, I hope." She turns on her heel and marches away, as if offended by something.

"Wow, glad we're sharing this," I comment. "I'd explode if I tried to finish it alone."

"Sure does smell good. Dig in." He takes his fork and spears a piece of melon. "Mmm, sweet." 

We eat in silence, savoring each bite until the plate is wiped clean and there is but one grape left in the fruit salad bowl. I look at him, he looks at me.

"Want it?" I ask.

"Only if you don't," he responds.

Taking a quick glance around, I notice the bar seems to have emptied out and Rosmerta has gone into the back. I put the grape on my tongue, and say, "Come and get it."

He raises his eyebrows, looks around and seeming satisfied that we're alone, leans forward and kisses me, taking the grape along with him. Mid-enjoyment of said kiss, the woman shrouded in black jumps up from the bar.

"I knew it!" She cries. "I knew about you two! I knew it!"

We break apart at stare at her. She rips off her hood to reveal a stern faced woman, with square glasses and a tight black bun.

Eyes wide with shock, Severus roars, "MINERVA?!"

To be continued…

MWAHAHA! BRILLIANT! I know you think it stunk, but I love it. I love it, I love him. All you need to do to enjoy this story is put yourself in my spot. Guaranteed Snapey satisfaction. You can flame me if you please, though it really has no effect. Flames go to hell. All flames go to hell. So, you can give 'em to me if you want, but they'll go to hell. :P I do believe, however, that a plot may well me evolving in my mind. I've got a few things planned, but (yes, there's a but), if all I get are flames as reviews… well, I'll probably write it anyway, but it'll have mean innuendoes in it directed straight at YOU! Please review, be kind if you want, but if you've got PMS, use me to vent on. Have fun

Mother Mercury (who is enjoying writing this way too much, and still has a crush on Alan Rickman)


	5. down chapter

I would recap, but I'm in a wee bit of trouble…

"Dear sweet Jesus…" I mutter. "I should've known."

How I should've known is beyond me, it just seems like that appropriate thing to say. Severus is looking utterly bewildered as Minerva storms over to us.

"I knew you were lying to me," she seethes, her face an inch from mine. "I saw right through you. Engaged indeed? Professor Dumbledore shall be quite interested to hear about this, won't he?"

"Minerva," Severus begins. "Don't do this, Minerva…"

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"If he can't tell you what to do, then what gives you the right to tell him what to do?" I say, somewhat surprised at myself. "He's breaking no laws, or rules at the school. Tell me, is there such a rule that says teachers cannot have relations?"

"Uh…n-no…" she stammers in reply. "T-that's beside the point! You lied to Professor Dumbledore!"

"Indeed I did, and that was wrong, I admit," I sigh. "So, go on, scoot back at tell Dumbledore what's going on."

"I think I will!" She puffs out her chest and turns towards the door. "Well, come on then."

"Oh no," Severus says. "We're staying here. We haven't finished yet."

I grin at the look on her face.

"Well, all right then. Fine!" She strides out. Madam Rosmerta comes bustling out of the back.

"What's going on in here, may I ask?"

"Oh, nothing," Severus replies. "The breakfast was _magnifique_, Rosmerta." He tosses her some money. "We'll be off then, and thank you once again." He takes my hand and leads me out the door, leaving Rosmerta wearing a rather surprised look. 

"Well," Severus says once we're outside. "Now that Minerva knows, I guess there's no point covering it up now." He pulls me close and kisses me more passionately than ever before.

"My, my, my," I mutter once he pulls away. "Drew quite a crowd, that one did." A smattering of people seem to be staring at us now. Severus grins.

"This isn't a spectator sport, people, move along." The crowd disperses. "Now, off to find you some pajamas."

Around the corner is a small shop called Ad Libitum, and as we approach, I see a rather interesting assortment of bustiers and other revealing items.

"Um, what are we doing here?" I ask, trying to sound casual.

"Getting you something to wear to bed." He opens the door for me.

"I don't think…" I start, looking at the racks around me.

"Relax," he says. "Have some fun."

Once I get over my shock that Severus actually brought me into such a place, I realize that it isn't all kinky fetish items in the shop.

"Are you hoping that I'm going to be buying something like this?" I ask, producing a leather-studded corset.

"Not at all," he replies. "I'll be paying."

I gape at him. "I am _not_ wearing that!"

"You don't have to. How about this?" He shows me a short, silky black nightdress.

"That's nice," I comment, running my hand down it. 

"You like it?"

"Yeah, it's really nice. How much?"

"None of your business." He whisks away up to the counter and buys it before I can say no.

"You really shouldn't have bought that," I tell him once we leave. "I have got my own money."

"Yes, but you're not the only one who's going to get pleasure out of it. Now," he takes my hand once more, "off to Honeydukes!"

At the back of the glorious candy store, is a small section of sweets not appropriate for Potter's and such.

"We won't spend too long in here," Severus tells me. "I've just got to get one thing."

"And what would that be?"

"Chocolate body paint!" He grabs a large jar of it and runs off to pay, leaving me staring at the large barrel of Cockroach Clusters. I figure I probably won't get to come down here again for a while, so I whip around and grab some things for myself. Pepper Imps, Fizzing Whizzbees, Tooth-flossing Stringmints and Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans. 

A couple hours later, we've visited every interesting place in Hogsmead. Details I won't bother you with, because it involved lots of snogging that gets rather monotonous to describe after a while. We set off back to Hogwarts with numerous bags and goofy grins, having completely forgotten the incident with Minerva until we reach the Entrance Hall and she comes stalking over to us.

"Back at last, I see." She comments. "Come with me, you two. Professor Dumbledore wants to see you."

Severus gives me a worried look as we follow her to a gargoyle, to which she mutters something and it springs aside to reveal a moving staircase. Minerva leads us into a room, tells us to sit down and leaves us alone.

"Maybe I should just go home now," I say. "I'm so sorry, this is all my fault."

"Nonsense, you're staying here. Dumbledore will understand…" 

Upon these words, Dumbledore enters the room and sits down behind his desk.

"Professor, I…" I begin, but he cuts me off.

"Mercury, my dear child, listen to me." I shut my mouth. "I know that you two have feelings for each other, it was quite apparent at out last meeting. I have no issue with it. Minerva, however, does. So, if you two would both humor her, and play along with me when she returns, I shall be sure no word of this reaches the Ministry."

"You mean, I'm not going to be fired?" Severus asks in disbelief.

"Of course not," He waves a dismissive hand. "There is no rule saying that a professor at my school is not allowed to have relations. Minerva has the opinion that you two are doing something horribly wrong, so to please her, I would ask that you two play along. Ah, and here she is now!"

Minerva marches into the office and takes a seat opposite from Severus and I. She glares at us, then turns her attention to Dumbledore, who has dropped his amused expression and now looks deadly serious.

"Minerva, if you will, tell me what you saw in Hogsmead."

"They were kissing! Plain as day, kissing each other!" She looks insane. "I left to come tell you, and after that I would imagine they've done some shopping. No doubt buying things to fuel their fantasies. Her in particular!"

"Excuse me!" I cry. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You come here and tell Severus you've got a crush on him, now you've seduced him and whatnot. I can only imagine what you've got planned for later!"

"How dare you!" I jump to my feet, but Severus pulls me back down.

"Minerva," Dumbledore says in a low voice. "No judgements or assumptions will be made in my office, understood? May I please see your bags, Severus?"

Severus blanches. "Uh, why… why?"

"I'd like to show the dear professor that her assumptions are false. You bags, please."

Reluctantly, he hands over his purchases.

"Ad Libitum?" Dumbledore asks, reading one of the bags. "Interesting choice." He pulls out the short nightdress; Minerva opens her mouth to protest. He produces the leather-studded corset. Minerva stands up.

"Well, if that isn't a blatantly obvious…"

"Minerva, _sit down_!"

I look at Severus, shocked, and he grins nervously and mumbles, "Sorry."

Next, Dumbledore finds the chocolate body paint. He looks like he's trying to hide his amusement. After finding a few suggestive books and other kinky items I had not idea Severus had purchased, he gets to his feet.

"Well," the corners off his mouth are turning upwards. "I am shocked, _shocked_, at you Severus. Minerva was right." She looks triumphant. "Minerva, please leave so I can sort out a punishment for these two. Many thanks for your help, and apologies for ever doubting you."

"Yes, Professor Dumbledore, sir." She leaves swiftly, and Dumbledore turns to us.

"Looks like you two are going to have some fun tonight," he comments, gathering the things back into the bags. "Act like you've had adequate punishment around Minerva, please, I don't want her to suspect anything." He hands Severus his things. "Sweet dreams, you two."

To be continued…

BWAA! What a stinky chapter, eh? I really kind of rushed through it. But, oh well, it was kind of funny, ne? Snapey satisfaction. Delish. I saw The Philosopher's Stone the day after it came out. Good movie. Alan Rickman stole the show, without a doubt. He was wonderful, the best actor out of the lot! It should've been longer though. I know 2.5 hours is long, but it flew by! I was thinking though: if the first book is 2.5 hours longs, and it the shortest out of the lot, how long with the Goblet of Fire movie be? Eight hours?! Got a while to go until then though. Going to see the movie again tonight. Yummy. 

Someone left me their email address in a review last chapter - crystalnj1@aol.com I tried to email you, but the address was wrong. If you could leave it again, I'll write to you ASAP.

Mother Mercury (who found a lovely pic of Mr Rickman without a shirt on the other day and will post the link as soon as she can find it again)


	6. high chapter

I'm not going to recap anymore. You should know what this is about, because you should've read the previous chapters, ne? Yes, well, tut tut if you haven't. Don't worry, I love you anyway.

We walk back to Severus' bedroom, not going along with my idea of going to Minerva's office and snogging passionately just to spite her. We'll just do that tomorrow at breakfast, where Potter and company can witness it too. Mwahaha.

Severus locks the door behind us as I go to sit on the bed, swiftly taking the bag from his hand. I pull out the leather-studded corset.

"Care to explain?" I ask.

"Yes," he replies. "That's mine."

"Oh, really?"

"Yup." And with that, he takes the corset and goes into the bathroom. I sit, grinning, on the bed, waiting for his return. After about ten minutes, he emerges, corset in hand, wearing just his boxers (silk, with little purple stars).

"Too small," he tells me. "What don't you try it?"

I cock an eyebrow, taking in the sight of his semi-nakedness, then stand up and go to try the corset on myself. Surprise, surprise, it fits perfectly.

"Sneaky little bugger," I say, opening the bathroom door just a crack. "You knew this wouldn't fit you."

"No, I swear I'm normally that size!" he approaches the door. "Does it fit?"

"Yes…" I say, cautiously.

"Show me then!" he swings the door open, not giving me enough time to hide behind the shower curtain. "My, my, my…"

"What?" I ask, defensively, putting my hands on my hips.

"Oh, nothing. Just needs to have the laces tightened a bit."

"I'm already practically coming out the top!" I proclaim, but he starts yanking the laces tighter anyway. 

"Stand still," he tells me.

"I… can't… breathe…."

"Really?"

"No, I can. I swear, you're only doing this to cop a feel."

"Oh no," he says. "I would cop a feel anytime. OK, done. Look in the mirror."

Reluctantly, I turn to see my reflection in the mirror.

"All I need is the thigh-length boots and a whip to really look like a dominatrix."

"That could be arranged," Severus says, grinning.

"No!"

"All right, save that for tomorrow… joking!"

"This is really uncomfortable, you know," I say, trying to adjust myself.

"Take it off then," he tells me, will a mischievous glint in his eye.

"No, I think I'll keep it on, thanks," I go back into the bedroom. "What time is it?" I ask.

"Um… nearly eight."

"I'm getting tired."

"It has been a long day. How about you get changed into something more comfortable and I'll make us something to eat."

"Sounds good," I yawn widely and take the nightdress about of the Ad Libitum bag to go get changed. Once I'm in the bathroom, I try to undo the laces of the corset, but to no avail. Fumbling around with tired fingers, I realize it's tied quite tightly and haven't a hope of doing it alone.

"Severus," I moan sleepily. "I can't get this thing off."

He comes bustling out of the kitchen. "Allow me, mademoiselle." Skillfully, he undoes the knot, and I have just enough time to grab the corset before it falls down. Severus grins, "too bad," and goes back into the kitchen. The nightdress fit well, though more the kind of well that would be appealing to Severus, rather than myself. Clingy in all the right (or wrong, depending on your viewpoint) places, and extremely comfortable. It shows an unfortunate amount of cleavage, however, which I feel could be distracting and/or dangerous. Somewhat reluctant, I enter the kitchen where Severus is just pulling something out of the oven.

"Smells wonderful in here," I declare. "What is it?"

Not turning around, Severus responds, "roast chicken, roast potatoes and garlic asparagus."

"You made an entire roast meal in ten minutes?" I ask, incredulously.

"One of my many talents. It'll be ready in a couple minutes, so you can take a seat." He indicates over to the table in the corner. It's big enough to seat at least ten people, but only two places are set, opposite each other in the center. I take my seat and examine the lovely silver cutlery. Two minutes later, Severus comes over, carrying to plates of delicious looking food. Just as he's setting them down, he looks up at me. His jaw drops.

"What is it now?" I ask impatiently.

"The… uh… the…" he stammers.

"Come on!"

"Well, it's just that… uh… you look… very nice…" he gulps.

"Uh… thank you… I think…"

"Very… nice…"

"This food looks very nice, too," I pick up my fork. "Are you going to eat?"

"Yes, of course…" he takes his fork and makes an attempt to stab a potato, but stabs his napkin instead.

"If you don't remove your eyes from my cleavage, you're going to end up stabbing yourself with the fork."

"I'm not…" he grins. "Sorry."

And despite this apology, he still remains fixated on my chest for the rest of dinner, making any conversation I attempt rather one-sided. When the last scraps are cleaned off my plate, Severus takes me by the hand and leads me back into the bedroom. Almost immediately, I collapse onto the bed.

"Tired, are we?"

"Just a bit…" I climb under the warm, heavy covers. Severus makes for his sleeping bag on the floor, but I clear my throat loudly.

"This bed was made for two."

He grins, and joins me.

"Now for some dessert," he declares, producing the chocolate body paint he had purchased from Honeydukes earlier.

"Not to put you off or anything," I say. "But, I am so stuffed from that wonderful dinner. Why don't we save that for later?"

"Whatever would please my lady."

I snuggle up closer to him and lay my head in the crook of his next. 

"Besides, all I need for dessert is you."

With a flick of his wrist, the lights go out.

To be continued…

Just to clarify, _Mercury and Severus do not have sex._ I am all for sappy, unconventional romances (like this one), but I refuse to go into graphic detail. So, all you folk looking for some dirty love scene can just put your smutty minds back into the gutter where they belong because I'm having none of it. I must ask you a question though - what do you think Mercury/I looks like? I've never given any description, so I'm wondering if you've just formulated your own visions or are just too busy fantasizing about Snape. In any case, I'd like to know what you think.

On a different topic, I saw Lord of the Rings a week or so ago (twice, actually), and it pains me to say it, but it was much better than Harry Potter. I think Ian McKellan (Gandalf) would've made a wonderful Dumbledore. The guy who played Aragorn could definitely be Sirius Black. Personally, I think Liam Neeson should be Lupin, he's yummy. Angelina Jolie should fit in there somewhere; she's a fox. Ha, ha, ha. 

Mother Mercury (who definitely wouldn't refuse if Snape/Alan Rickman wanted to use chocolate body paint with her)


End file.
